well this usually happens, i start somehting, then i quit on it.
but i came back, what, four weeks later? that counts for something doesnt it?
anyway, stuff has mainly been shitty, for example my grades suck a lot.
i dont know whats wrong with me in that department.
i want to do good, i dont fear school as much, i even went to tutoring!
its like i just cant bring myself to do well or soemthing. its just lame. but im really going to have to suck it up and do well these last six weeks otherwise ill find myself in some bad shit.
in any case,
day before yesterday was pretty nifty. Me and laura went to horton plaza and got lost, ate free samples, and ran from stampeding angry janitors hitting buckets with plungers. i bought her her christmas present- a fuzzy nemukku nyago (sanrio bee cat) bag, which was way neato- AND IT REALLY MATCHED HER OUTFIT!!! i say this because i actually told her this like four times without quite realizing it.
i must stop sub-consciencly blabbering.
we where at "the crazy hat shack" when i recieved a phone call from my mother- on lauras cell phone. she told me i had to go to gap and buy her stretch pants.
this was bad enough but the fact that laura was trying to impale me with a multicolored spikey hat just made it worse.
so we got to gap and ended up just frollicking in the winter section that was full of so many rainbow scarves, mittens, adn hats, i wanted to bleed from both eyes.
i grabbed something with pink pompoms and stuck it on lauras head, and whod of thunk it ended up being a really cool hat! we both bought one, i got a purple one, and spent the whole time at my dads company party (that we went to later) attacking each other with the mace like pompoms.
other than head attacking each other, we got our faces painted by some peaking elves, ate a ton of food, played death pong, got fake snow in our underwear, and rolled around pointlessly on the ground when we had nothing else to do.
later on we went back to the elves and they made us these balloon hats that were just basically a ballony band around your head iwth a long baton-ish balloon sticking out the front.
needless to say we had found a new method of causing pain or at least agitation with our heads.
we were supposed to go to the first non school hosted honey bear cottage show at eight, but we were having to much fun rolling and poking and eating smashed jelly beans off the floor- these are called floor beans.
the only thing i regret about not going was hearing about all the cute punk rock kids that were thar.
ooh, and the keyboard kid from the mothras (they played with same place as hbc) is sooooooooo nifty lookin- damn you liz and your cute guy pictures of evil.

and in a final note, mexican candy is not that peppery goo stuff, its the candy you stuff in napkins and steal from buffet-ish places.

after another grueling day of school (dontchoo know it) i went to see the harry potter movie!!!
i went with maggie and kat, who both had just dyed their hair, maggie="poppy red", kat= flamingo pink
maggies is kinda magenta tho, and kats is like super bright pink pinky pink.
i felt so normal next to them- but only in appearances. at least i had my poser selphie hair happenin, HOWEVER- and heres the main reason im so ready to cut all my hair off- i woke up at 5:30 to do it and it took my like all morning until school to do it!! thats like an hour and a half!!! it didnt even turn out spectacular (as an hour and a half worked on hair SHOULD) but oh well, my mom wont let me cut my hair till after thanksgiving because we're supposedly gonna have a family portrait- pleese jebus noooo...
anyway, the movie was pretty cool- it was like 2 hours and some long though =0 no need to mention my fear of having to go to the bathroom halfway through... yet still an ice sucky i got!
the movie- well, the thing is this- if one has read the book, it is evident that the book (which is quite long) is made up of a good deal of little details and such- which are all yummy and good. however, because the movie could only be so long, they only had time for the main details. the effect was a cut and dry, yet very long movie.
i guess its all fine if you havent read the book- so ive heard from my friends who havent read the book, it was really good and such.
the special effects werent bad- but the animal stuff was crap. every time they had owls flyin around (which was all the time) it was just so... not real...
i guess only a ps2 cinema trained eye notices such things.
the part where they play quidditch is really cool tho- zoom zoom on broom brooms! good fun, good fun.
after the movie we kinda ran around the mall and i made us go into kb toys to see if they had harry potter action figures
THEY DID!!!
but they were really spoot crappy- not only did they not at all look like the people in the movies, but they had these crazy "a gerbil just crawled up my ass!!" expressions.
after being thoroughly disgusted at the horrible non made in japan peices of poo, maggie and i went outside to find kat jammin on this little keyboard thing. there was another one so i smashed on it for a while, but lost interest pretty quick so we just waited for her dad to pick us up.

its odd... the smell of baking pumpkin pie smells quite similar to the way my hair smells when i straiten/fry the living anything out of it. ive also discovered it to smell like much like pot- but thats a whole 'nother story completely.

boof
so the sex people are long gone, but psychology teacher has come up with new methods to terrorize, and or disgustingly amuse us.
good old home depot decided to donate these "disaster buckets" in which are things that are supposedly essestional to our survival in case of an emergency. and yet, all the thing really has in it is plastic bags and a box of tissues.
this is what they are for
little baggies: puke
big baggies: big puke
bucket: butt spoot
tissues: ... now heres the kicker. theres ONE box of tissues and every kid supposedly gets one tissue him/herself and our teacher showed us the paper saving maneuver for using it. i cant really explain the horror of it without an irl demo, but i can tell you this much- the corner of the tissue you tear off somewhere in the process is later used for cleaning under the nail of your forefinger...
now if thats not enough for you, you are shpooky and sick. almost as much so as i am.

it was another beautiful day today otherwise.
not any homework coz i did it all in class!! *does a lil dance*
lasanga tonight!!
sista comin home from college!!
watched the shinya and toshiya kiss video 45 times!!!

all this happiness and marshmellow fruitloops have gone to my head so i will have bid you all aDOO!

so... YA. the sex people came back today. you know, they come wednesday, thursday, and not friday, leaving you the whole day for you to be thankful of thier absence, then the whole weekend to be thankful for their complete dissapearance.
then they come back monday.
what the hell is that?!? like thier trying to surprise us or something so that we'll be in a state of horror even before they begin the presentation!!
and the obviously chose the subject days for a reason.
today was the most fearsome presentation of all- SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS!!!! (its not disease anymore ne)
and you know, it might not have been so bad if they hadnt reapeted the word "cauliflower" over and over again. i swear everyone shrunk back a little more every time they said it.
i never liked the vegetable much to begin, but now ill never be able to eat it ever again.
to make matters worse in chemestry one of my freidns opened a biology book and said "hey! the food groups!!"
foolish little me decided to take a peek and of course- theres a huge picture of cauliflower.
WHY CAULIFLOWER?!?!? humans do not exist off of it!!
this is all a huge top secret conspiracy against me.

i must stop eating peanut butter.

i just realized something today- my mortality rate is incredibly high.
here are my reasons why:
moms side: cancer
dads side: heart stuff
dogs side: smellyness
diet: composed mostly of candy, marshmellows, and peanut butter- and the mild phase of anorexic-ness ive been going through lately
personality: well im not really THAT mean- i think its just all the idiots in my sat class that i just dont pretend to be nice too. but i have a high bludgeoning rate from all the crazy hyperness i exert around tired and or stoned people.

okay so if i die in the near future it'll probably be from one of the two latter- i had some more earlier, i just cant remember now.
anyway
its the rare moments when a tear appears in your idealized little life that you start to realize how good things for you really are.
somehow i always fly like fat kid to cake to the people who end up either very tragic or retarded. brutally retarded.
you always think things are so normal and boring until you realize that under the skin of your normality festers some kind of bubbly nasty infection that you've ignored or procrastinated in doing anything about it.
for me, its always the people my friends are.
i generally dont let myself get close to people because they either end up going away or screwing you over- ultimately making you misterable in the end.
its a lot easier to never love then have loved and lost, i think someone once said.
Well that person is just stupid with brillo pad for a heart- and those things are damn skritchy.
i know because this is pretty much the philosophy ive lived by for many years now.
i never really let myself make good, deep freinds because they'd hurt me in the end. myself, i am an open book, without much of any secrets to anyone- i guess this is the fairest thing to do so they will be warned of what their getting themselves into in being my freind. yet i never really delved into that person- as another mind and life. so you see, i wouldnt feel loss when that face with nothing behind it dissapeared.
this weekend all of this was turned around for me.
someone came to me, and asked me for my help.
she had been hurting for so many years that i had known her, and though i knew of it i had hardly ever let myself notice, because it never really came face to face with me. in my reply to her, i began thinking of what i really knew of her, and who she really was- and who i really was in relation. when i came to the end of the letter i wrote to her, i realized how much i had forgotten reality and what we are in all of it.
today i felt really good, and i didnt know why. i hadnt felt like that in a long time- it was like i was aware of myself for the first time in years, instead of just moving through the day on my mechanical schedule, movements, and speech. wave and smile to the people you remotely know, avoid the gaze of the people you dont really talk to anymore.
then i finally figured out what was happening, what was different about this day-
somewhere along the line, in my depersonalization of all around me, i had begun to strip myself of my own individuality as a person.
this happened because of a combination of two things. my no love no hurt chaos theory, and my existential awakening.
when i realized there was probably no life after all of this, and my mind, beautiful to myself, would end up no where, i fell into a deep depression. i didnt want to loose myself. i began to ignore myself. life passed me by. i no longer felt.
and now, although things will hurt more, and things may get bad, at least now ill be able to face them instead of letting them fill the emptiness i was otherwise.

i just today realized what a horribly apethetic and cruel person ive come to be- the thing is ive never noticed because i used to be a very happy little nice girl. And tho i am still quite happy indeed, that happiness is sprung from the sufferening of others
Happiness makes me oblivious to all around me.
i would make the best super villain EVER.
so this was brought to my attention today by the accellerated amount of teasing i induced upon my good friend (who easily succumbs to my evil whims)
also, i discovered that my sat teacher hates me.
when he called on me to answer something and i asked him to give me an example he was like "your stupid." or something that invoked the senses of student liberalism in the other kids. of course my words do them too much credit as their words were mostly things like "aw! thats so mean!" and other things cheesecake worthy cries of poo mean-ness.
"Well she's so mean anyway! Even if she doesnt talk during class, when she does say something its always really mean!!"
i prefer to use the word clever or self engaging. I really dont talk much in that class, hell, im so good at being quiet i even keep my silence when an answer is asked of me!
well, maybe im just mean to people in that class because their all idiots.
im very nice girl, but only to people i like.

lately i seem to have come down with the new habit of indirectly licking people (otherwise licking my finger and wiping it on someone else). i only lick people i know are clean. and just today i began biting. not like "argh! i eat you because im rabid and bad!" but "i like you! *CHOMP*"
consider me a friendly pacgirl.

Just when you think your safe from the sex ed people- THEY COME BACK TO YOUR PSYCH CLASS!!!!
This time, they brought a TOOL BOX.
im not even kidding.
first we got to watch a video on mexican kids getting pregnant and stuff, and while i do wonder WHY they all were mexican, i cannot deney the comedy of the whole thing, i mean, its not like they could show WHITE PEOPLE doing something bad.
after the video they turned the lights back on- why oh why did they turn the lights back on T_T
and out came the tool box.
after the big snapping metal torture device they showed us yesterday, its needless to say i was a bit wary of this boxes contents.
no need to fear! just anti pregnancy stuffs! oh hey! theres a condom! nothing scary or weird about that! BUT THEN,
they showed us how to put it on.
that is, put it on an arisol can of lubricant.
now that was plenty, but as the guy was taking the condom off the thing, it emitted this POP! noise, and i had to introduce my head to the desk. many, many times.
Later on they decided it would be nifty to pass around the female condom, which i wasnt to keen on feeling up, especially as the kid next to me tried to make me feel more comfy to touch it by saying "come on! its just like a sandwhich baggy!"
damn you, sandwich kid...

THE SCARY KID!!!
okay, so it was all fine and well and good back in the early days of the new school year when i jumped on him one day and proclaimed coolness upon him for wearing a ff ring. but see, then he started talking to me. what kind of idiot actually goes and finds the crazy stranger that randomly attacks and wants to be their friend?!! now hes like ALWAYS THERE. either saying "hee! your so funny!" or trying to make jokes that just run on and on so that when punchline comes the listener has already passed out and started foaming at the mouth.
hes a nice guy- but it would be nicer if he wouldnt make bird calls at me or jokes such as my cat died by choking on my toe- but not really!!
he says i look like selphie, and his freinds concur. this worries me a bit. im just hoping they dont have any ff8 cosplay xxx home videos in mind....

Anyway! onto more vicious horrors that i was exposed to today!
second period is psychology with the most mad crazy awesome teacher ever. usually we just watch these brutally traumatizing movies, but today he decided to bestow new levels of torment upon us!
some people from planned parenthood came in to do a presentation today.
of course this is just like sex ed in a nutshell.
Now, im a fairly mature person, and most of the people in that class are horny cavemen- so it was kind of odd when i was the only one giggling every 5 seconds.
just when i had myself under control, they started going into... SELF EXAMINATION.
and you know, it might not have been so bad if they hadnt had the girl with the twangy australian accent talk about it.
Went a somethin like this (and you get to imagine the accent yourself)
"Okay so for guys, just kinda stand in front of a mirror and check everything out, yknow, make sure everythings were its supposed to be and such. Then your going to want to just GRAB- *everyone jumps and i loose it* well not really grab but- *section of "self examination im leaving out for obvious reasons. after thats all through and you think its all over, she like turns her back to saying "Now for girls..." and when she turns around shes got this big metal contraption with these snapping jaws of doom!!!! I kid you not. needless to say i had stopped laughing by then.
i think i carried on in a state of shock the rest of the day.

gonna go check on my many ebay bids now- that thing is a drug- really- i think some sort of nicotine is pumped through my mouse scroller into my finger whenever im on there.